Whod you bang
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
