Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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