Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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