So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
