In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
