I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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