I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
