I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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