hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize