What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
