The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
