i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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