I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
