I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
