Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
