he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
