I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize