I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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