umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
