i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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