I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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