he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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