hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
