Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
