note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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