Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize