Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
