you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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