I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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