I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize