I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I will be naked everywhere
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
