And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
