we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
