Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
