Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
