Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
