im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
