please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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