shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Welp...herpes.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
