I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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