guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
