you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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