For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
