you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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