Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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