Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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