I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
