Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
