dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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