its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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