He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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