i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
