she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Success! We fucked roommates!
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