If that was your dad, he is hot
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
No subtext here. People are naked.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize