So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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