There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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