your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He felt like a one man threesome
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
