bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize