my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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