It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize