All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize