his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
