I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize