I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
