If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
