There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
