He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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