I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
