My Higher Power is John Stamos
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
