I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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