If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think I sprained my soul last night
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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