is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
you are never too drunk for berry picking
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
